Should we break up?

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou


I’ll keep it short and sweet, because chances are that if you’re in a questionable relationship, you know this already. It’s why you’re reading this specific article. Or, at the very least, you’ve seen enough in your partner to be curious about if they are the right fit.


Let me try to help with that.


Get a paper and pen and answer the following questions for yourself:

  1. What do I want in a long-term partnership? (character traits and values of a person)

  2. What red (or orange, “slow-down”) flags have I seen in my current relationship?

Now look at the list. If any of the flags violate what you want in a long-term partnership, it’s time to seek a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist to help you sort through your next steps.


Sometimes breaking up is the healthiest option; sometimes you might opt to invest in in-depth counseling. I believe in second chances and an abundance of grace. But I also believe that we can use wisdom to avoid the kind of painful, soul-aching, my-world-is-ending heartbreak that comes way down the road when we let the wrong connection take root in our lives for too long.


But caution: this level of honest reflection requires a double dose of bravery. If you’re not ready for that, feel free to bookmark this article and revisit it later. You’ll know if and when it is time.