Over time, this creates a gap. The Spontaneous Drive spouse gets tired of always initiating, and always being rejected. They may get to a place where they decide not to initiate at all - just to see if their spouse will ever pick up the mantle to initiate interest. Conversely, the Responsive Drive spouse may be glad for the break - or not even notice. Still, the Responsive Drive spouse may crave closeness, affection and connection, and will be hurt by their spouse's physical

Anxious attachment is feels like urgency. It's like your body and mind are on fire, running at a million miles per minute, trying to find every possible reason that your significant other is creating distance - and how to fix it. When you are in an anxious flare, the pain may be so all-consuming that you will find comfort in focusing on what you have lost or what you could have done differently. But, may I offer an alternative?