Ideally, initiation shouldn't make you feel annoyed, anxious or turned-off. That being said, this is a common phenomenon that women will describe when beginning the conversation in sex therapy. If I were to oversimplify it, I'd say that there are three roots to this issue: (1) initiation style, and (2) the overall emotional connection of the relationship, and (3) the receiver's relationship with her own sexuality.

Couples who were raised with a Christian faith background will inevitably have something to say about the ways that the Church shaped their views of sexuality. Whether they are still currently involved in their faith, or if they have left the faith in adulthood - the roots still have lasting effects. And unfortunately, shame tends to be a word that often comes up for men and women when trying to process the impact of religion on their sexuality.

Sex therapists are considered specialized because of the combination of our education (certifications, continuing education courses, etc.) and our scope of practice (the clients we see on a daily basis). Even within the field of sex therapy, the specialization can go even further to specific sexual issues. In my case, my practice is focuses on intimacy issues related to vaginismus (pain during sex), low libido, or betrayal/affair recovery for Millennial and Gen X couples.

If your wife feels that she needs to help you handle your emotions and temper tantrums (you know, like when you pout or withdraw or get irritable when it has been too long since you last had sex), then she won't feel that she is your lover; she will feel that she is a mom parenting a child. This is obviously not what you want. Sure, she may still have sex with you - but her motivation will be to appease your mood, not to actually connect and enjoy your time together.

The truth is, for most couples, one spouse will have a higher interest in sex than the other. As a sex therapist, I put a lot of emphasis on making sure that couples know that this is normal. It wouldn't be possible for two separate human beings to have the exact same sex drive that operates the exact same way, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for decades on end. Differences are to be expected. And, hopefully, differences can be understood and welcomed.

If you felt a lightbulb moment when you saw the title of this blog, it is quite likely that you are the responsive desire spouse; meaning your sex drive typically comes alive after being given a compelling reason to show up. But the question remains: if you are someone with responsive desire, why was your sex drive so much higher when you were dating or engaged, but decreased after saying "I do?"

Both men and women may feel grossed out by some of the processes and fluids that come with sex - but feel too embarrassed to share their thoughts with their partner. Let me go ahead and validate this for you: you are not the only one. So, if you find yourself afflicted with mild or severe disgust during sex, let's talk about some practical ways to address the issue. This is just the tip of the ice berg, but hopefully it can get the conversation started!

Afterglow is a way for couples to bridge the passion of sexual intimacy with the depth and connection of emotional intimacy.

Wabi-sabi is a Japanese philosophy (and interior design style) that combines わび (wabi), the attitude of seeking beauty and inner contentment in simplicity and imperfection - with さび (sabi), the attitude of seeking beauty in physical things that are withered by time. Marriage itself seems to reflect elements of wabi-sabi.

No amount of back rubs, surprise flowers, or bubble baths are going to convince her to want sex if this isn't an inherent desire for her.

Sex is already such a vulnerable topic. There are a lot of reasons to feel uncomfortable when talking about sexual performance.

Talking about sexual issues feels more uncomfortable than other issues. This is why speaking to a sex therapist can be a great start.

In sex therapy, it is common to have partners with mismatched libido - meaning, there is a gap between the couple's natural sex drives....

Here's the thing: keeping sexual desire ignited with a long-term partner is different than sex with a stranger.

The following is a show transcript from the My Intimacy Therapist Podcast - Episode 94. Listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple...

Show transcript from the My Intimacy Therapist Podcast - Episode 74. Listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. 0:04 Welcome to...

Show transcript from the My Intimacy Therapist Podcast - Episode 35. Listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Contact Dr....

We pick up our phones subconsciously and scroll... all the while, forgetting to roll over and give attention to our partner...

Curious about toys, but uncomfortable making a random Google search?

Because physical intimacy doesn't always have to include intercourse