What is Christian Sex Therapy?
- Sade Jovanne
- Sep 16
- 4 min read
Couples who were raised with a Christian faith background will inevitably have something to say about the ways that the Church shaped their views of sexuality. Whether they are still currently involved in their faith, or if they have left the faith in adulthood - the roots still have lasting effects.
It is kind of impossible for this not to be the case. I work primarily with Millennials (born 1981 - 1996) who grew up in the height of the Purity Culture era. The first two episodes on my podcast cover some of the benefits and harms of Purity Culture, but that's not what this blog post is about. The impact is the same: our experience of sexuality is connected to our spirituality.
Shame, Sexuality and Religion
Unfortunately, shame tends to be a word that often comes up for men and women when trying to process the impact of religion on their sexuality.
For women, the formative years of their sexual development were hidden behind messages of hiding and concealing their bodies. "Don't wear X, or you will cause your brothers in Christ to stumble."
Men can recall being consistently told not to watch porn; but as culture shoved explicit images and enticing videos in front of their adolescent brains, they found that resisting a peek was quite difficult. And, because not having sex was the main goal, porn often became an outlet of release for their increased sexual appetite.
And these two marry each other: the virgin bride and the lustful groom. Archetypes, of course. She does not know her body, does not know her desires - but is expected to now plunge into the depths of ecstasy and pleasure with the husband God has given her. She sees sex as an avenue to please her husband, but not something with any implicit intrigue for herself. He knows his body and his desires well, and comes to expect that he will finally be able to satisfy his fantasies with his lifetime mate. He is relieved that his years of needing to steward his sexuality are over. They can have sex now.
If you are reading this, you have likely experienced a variation of this story - and you understand that it quickly leads to an impasse. Communication issues, sexual dysfunctions, you name it; the misunderstandings manifest as a loud, screeching brake in the area of intimacy. Or, for some couples, sex continues - but the couple grows further and further apart as he enthusiastically pursues her body and she mutes herself to appease.
Why Couples May Pursue Christian Sex Therapy
The blend of faith and sexuality is unique and holds its own complexities. Couples may find that traditional sex therapy may not address some of these concerns - or may not full grasp the difficulty of learning how to bring faith and sexuality together.
For example, in some sessions, couples bring up their understanding of scripture and what it means for their roles as husband and wife. Here's one that tends to be a hot topic of conversation:
"The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
I Corinthians 7:4-5
What do you do when the husband and the wife have different sexual appetites, or place different importance on sex? What about if one spouse has a sex addiction and abuses this scripture in order to coerce the other? What if one spouse has a history of trauma and simply cannot show up to sex consistently or with interest?
My Role in Christian Sex Therapy
My role in Christian Sex Therapy is not to be jury nor judge. My role is not to bring the Bible out and point to where one spouse is right or wrong. My role is not to interpret scripture. You may pursue guidance like this in a biblical counseling environment with your pastor, but I am not a theologian. I am a licensed therapist, with extensive training in evidence-based approaches to mental health disorders like anxiety, depression and trauma, or sexual dysfunctions like vaginismus, low libido and high libido. I manage the complexities of how your context, your emotions, your beliefs, your history, all show up in your present-day relationship dynamic. This is my niche, and it is where I can offer in-depth support.
My hope, with all clients, is to offer a safe space where faith and sex can be intertwined harmoniously. We include your values as baseline for your view of healthy relationship. I tell couples in the beginning of our work, "It doesn't matter what anyone out there is doing. This is about the two of you constructing what will help you feel connected and intimate."
Getting Started with Sex Therapy
If you are curious about the process or how to navigate the complexities of your relationship and faith, I would love to meet with you and chat more about your story. The bottom line is, you do not have to live with fear or pain in sexual intimacy - and your experience of physical intimacy should not include emotional disconnection or dissociation. If any of these are present, a conversation is needed.
You may schedule a consultation here or peruse my site to learn more about my approach to sex therapy and my style as a couples therapist. In-person sessions are available at my office in Atlanta - as well as online for all residents of Georgia.
I look forward to meeting with you.
about the author
Hi, there! I'm Sade. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in North Midtown, Atlanta specializing in couples and sex therapy. I also am the voice behind the My Intimacy Therapist Podcast, and date nights for couples in the Atlanta area.