As a marriage therapist, I see what happens five to ten years after the wedding bells ring. I see couples who were once in love, infatuated with one another, become cold and lifeless. They are bored with their lives. They are unmotivated to have conversations or open up again. There is no energy to get it started again.
Too many excuses. "I know what he'll say," or "she'll never go for that," or "it'll end in an argument if I bring this up, so I won't." And there is truth there.
See, infatuation and the feeling of being in love has its season. And, when it's time, it gives way to a more mature, stable, secure for of love. Companionship. Knowing. Intimacy. This kind of love incorporates both flaws and marvels. It is both understanding and, at times, frustration. It's nights of exhausted cooking and overflowing kitchen sinks. It's also inside jokes, tickle fights under the moonlight, passionate lovemaking after attending a summer barbeque. It's the more kind of love.
But that shift is...unexpected. And if the relationship does not adapt to the shift, it gets stuck. It craves the electricity that hormones once added to the mix. When those hormones cannot be found, it's easy to assume that the relationship is dead. The spark is gone. It's too hard, and the two of you should just call it quits.
You can't nourish a relationship on autopilot. Infatuation won't do the trick anymore. It's time to take care of your investment.
It's so easy to live in the mundane for an endless stretch of time. To stay stagnant and stuck. Nothing is technically "wrong," so you don't register the need to make active change. This is where therapy comes in handy.
It's a jump start, a jolt of energy, a push out of the quicksand and into active decision-making. What do you want for your relationship? What would you like emotional intimacy to look like? Sex? Romance? Can you reignite and redefine your desires, then collaborate with your spouse to bring them into reality?
Your therapist can ask questions that you wouldn't have thought of. Hard questions, sure, but the kinds that open up windows where you thought there was only a wall. The kinds of questions that prompt you, like a coach does with an athlete, to stretch out of your comfort zone. Take one step further. Try one new thing.
I'd love to be that voice for you. To be a source of listening, of gentle encouragement, of enthusiastic cheering when you have your first WIN! Come solo or with your partner; but this is your sign. The choice is yours, and the cost of doing nothing...is high.
Schedule a complimentary consultation call with me. I look forward to hearing from you :)
Welcome! I'm Sadé!
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and a dating coach for singles impacted by Purity Culture.
If you'd like more intimacy and relationship content, subscribe to the My Intimacy Therapist Podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.