At the beginning of a relationship, you can't keep our hands off of each other.
There's this magnetism, this desire to be wrapped in each other's arms, rolling around in the grass somewhere. Your hearts pound, your pupils dilate, and the sexual tension is unbearably high.
Then you get married. You get into the rhythm of daily life: bills, disappointments, doctor's visits, kids, jobs, family members, weird schedules... and all of a sudden, ten years have passed, and you can't remember the last time you passionately locked lips. You can't remember the last time - outside of the build-up to sex - you nibbled on the other's ear. You can't remember when you last made eye contact for more than thirty seconds.
There's one important thing I stress to my couples: the sensuality of physical connection is not just for sex. When dating, couples find all sorts of creative ways to enjoy physical expression of desire. Why not continue that energy in marriage?
I get it. It'll take a mental shift. But when you're sitting on the couch watching another Netflix special or mindlessly scrolling your phones in bed, what if you took a pause and turned to one another? Break the silence, move past the usual routine. Learn, again, to enjoy the type of kissing that doesn't always lead to intercourse. Learn to explore and delight in one another, simply because that is your Person, and you really, really like them.
"But what if we haven't felt close in a long time?"
Hey, I get it. There's a certain numbness and/or over-comfortability that can cause that spark to dwindle. But are we really going to get it back without grabbing some kindling and fanning those embers into a flame? Is continuing down the same path getting you closer to the type of connection you want?
It takes courage. It takes a moment of putting aside "he didn't help with the kids again," and "she always shoots me down for sex." It takes truly seeing your person and being willing to reach past the awkward or guards to have a moment of playful intimacy. If you want to.