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Talking to a Therapist About Sex...

Photo by Henri Pham on Unsplash

The waiting area is pretty nice. You feel slightly calmed by the soft music trickling through the speakers, the clean and open space, the cohesive decor. You grab a coffee, add your sugar, and wait.

You know what you want help with. It's all you've been thinking about for weeks. Maybe even months. It's on the tip of your tongue, and all you want to do is blurt it out. But there's the concern of...

Before you know it, it's your time. You're sitting on the couch, not sure if you can fully relax or how to get started. There's a person across from you that you've never met, and yet you feel able to say...

"So...we're having some problems with sex."

There it is. It's out there, in the air, for the first time ever. You're wondering if time is moving too slowly or too quickly...either way, you're hoping - believing - that this professional person across from you can find something to do with the tangled scenario that you've tried to loosen over and over again.

And this is where I come in.

Talking about your sexuality and intimacy issues with a relational therapist is a vulnerable experience. Of course. But it can also be freeing! You're stepping out of your comfort zone to seek a better version of intimacy: that's the vulnerable part. But you're also getting access to a depth of new experiences that could change the trajectory of how you feel about, approach, and enjoy intimacy.

A relative or friend may not be the appropriate outlet to help you process this sensitive information. A therapist, on the other hand, is a neutral party whose purpose is to cheer you on while offering helpful tools and feedback along the way. It may be that you need someone to just listen. It may be that you need specific professional input. Or you'll need both. That's what I'm here for.

So, if you're considering this journey but are unsure of what's on the other side of couch, here are five things I'd love for you to know about the therapist's perspective (well, this therapist, at least).

  1. You can say what you're thinking of. Really. I take great care to create a shame-free space for my clients. Sometimes, I'll already know exactly what you're talking about. Sometimes, it may be a new concept; but you get to introduce it in a way that best reflects your story. Therapy is about honest exploration, not self-censoring.

  2. Don't worry about offending me. Your story is your story. I'm merely a witness and, hopefully, a guide.

  3. You are not alone. Sure, in your social circle it may seem like no one else has ever experienced what you're going through. But this may be because (a) sexuality is so rarely discussed, even among the best of friends, and (b) you haven't met the others yet. For example...if you've been feeling pain during sex your entire life - please find some comfort in knowing that there are entire professional fields dedicated specifically to addressing your needs.

  4. This is talk therapy. You may have "take home exercises" to complete by yourself or with your partner, but when you come in for a session, we're just talking. Talking does wonders.

  5. I love this stuff! I am passionate about seeing restoration in sexuality and intimacy. I believe you can have this goodness in your life. So if the journey to better intimacy takes a few weeks, months... I enjoy sitting across from you and helping you see your improvements!

If you feel like you'd like to give it a try, let's do it! At the very least, an in-person experience can help answer some of your long-standing questions. Schedule here; sessions are available within the next two weeks!




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