Can I Start Sex Therapy if I'm Single or Not Sexually Active?
- 19 hours ago
- 4 min read
Hey there,
I'm Sadé (shah-day). I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist in Georgia and Arizona, and a certified sex therapist through the American Board of Christian Sex Therapy. I specialize in addressing the intimacy issues that keep couples avoidant and distant. If you are looking to understand your breakdowns in intimacy and make lasting change, you're in the right place.
Let's dive in....
Q: I need therapy to work on sexual issues, but I'm either single, abstinent, or not ready to invite my spouse to join me in therapy. Is it possible to start sex therapy by myself?
A: Yes, it is common for individuals to begin the work of sex therapy and invite their significant others to join later in the process if needed.
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So, you've done your research. You've learned the terminology that describes what you're experiencing - whether it be vaginismus or low sex drive. And to take it a step further, you many have even discovered that something called sex therapy exists - which is more targeted to intimacy issues than general counseling. It's exciting to start to get some answers, right?
There's only one problem: you don't have a significant other - or you aren't ready to begin discussing your sexual concerns with your partner. From everything you've seen, it seems that sex therapy takes place in a couples format. What can you do?
How Does Sex Therapy Work for Individuals?
Sex therapy is a form of psychotherapy that specializes in the physiological, psychological and relational factors that impact your sexual functioning. We'll explore your sexual history - such as first memories involving awareness of genitalia, your experience of entering puberty, or even the messages you subconsciously received about love, intimacy and sex. With this information, we can zoom out and better understand the way that you think and feel about sex in the present. Then, we can begin setting a desirable and intentional path for intimacy moving forward.
You'll be surprised by how much you can learn about yourself through this type of in-depth exploration of your life. When is the last time you thought about your first crush, or the way that you felt when you first shared your body with someone else? If you have a religious background, we will also unpack the way that you've understood purity and how this shows up in your ability to understand your body and sex drive.
Setting a Goal for Sex Therapy
You set the goal for your sex therapy work, not your therapist. One of the benefits of beginning this type of work individually is that you do not have to also balance your significant other's expectations in the therapy room. You are able to decide what you would like to achieve intimately. For many women with low libido, they would like to understand how to increase their desire for sex with their partner. For women with vaginismus, they may want to achieve penetration without pain. And for some, the therapeutic journey may simply be about understanding how their body works without shame or anxiety creating a barrier.
Can I Begin Sex Therapy If I Am a Virgin or Not Sexually Active?
Yes, you can! In fact, I specifically often work with individuals and couples who have a background of abstinence from sex - whether due to religious beliefs or sexual trauma. It is extremely beneficial to begin this work prior to becoming sexually active, because it can help prepare you psychologically and physically to have a healthy relationship with your body and sex drive - rather than bringing messages of shame or performance into the bedroom. Finding your voice before becoming sexually active - no matter what age you are - is integral to making sure that your sex life is mutually enjoyable.
But What About the Homework? How Can I Do Sex Therapy Homework By Myself?
In couples sex therapy, partners are instructed to complete intimacy exercises at home in order to supplement what is learned in sex therapy sessions. However, in the individual format, homework is moreso catered to individual growth. This could include psychological exercises, like engaging in mindfulness-based observation of your senses, or watching your favorite movie and jotting down any messages you may have subconsciously picked up about love and sex. Or physiological exercises like scheduling a session with a pelvic floor therapist to assess for vaginismus, or integrating mindfulness into your workout routine.
All in all, not being in a relationship will not inhibit your ability to experience growth in this arena.
Will I Be Instructed to Do Things I'm Not Comfortable With?
No, absolutely not. Prior to beginning any homework, we will talk about your religious or personal beliefs in order to integrate them into our work. It is very important for sex therapy to bring you closer to a sense of being whole, which includes honoring the values that are most important to you.
How Do I Get Started?
I offer in-person and telehealth availability for residents of Georgia, and telehealth-only availability for residents of Arizona. To schedule your consultation, select a day and time that works best for you here, and I'll give you a call!
I imagine you'll have lots of questions about the process, so feel free to bring those to our call. I really do look forward to meeting with you.
work with my intimacy therapist
Don't avoid the issue anymore.
Let's chat; I'd love to support you towards a solution.
